Have you ever been listening to a friend and thought "Can she even hear herself?"  We all have patterns of communication, and behavior for that matter, that we can’t see.  I remember one day my daughter said to me, "Mom, you've said that before, several times." Since then, I have been working on being aware and not repeating myself. Repeating can happen for several reasons. You can have memory problems, a brain injury or other medical conditions. It can also be a lack of self-awareness or a pattern you developed when others didn’t listen to you. You may have gotten into a habit of saying things over and over to get the other person to hear you. Saying the same thing over and over can also be a sign of ADD.

Recently I was planning a meeting between a few friends and after five phone conversations with one friend, I was still not able to pin her down to a time to meet. I replayed the conversations in my mind and realized that I was on point about the times available, but her side of the conversation was different. Each time I heard about her day, what she had to do, how she felt, what she thought might happen, but I couldn’t get her to define a time. The conversation always ended with, I’ll call you.  Eventually, the meeting never did take place and I thought, what a waste of time and energy trying to get something to happen. I was feeling frustrated and wondered what I could have done different. Then I realized other times I had felt this way was when I was communicating with someone who was ADD. Now, I am not saying this person is ADD, but the way to handle either situation would be the same.

So, how to do you communicate with friends, loved ones and co-workers that are ADD or have ADD symptoms?

The focus here is on the Inattentive Symptoms of ADD, and not the Hyperactive Symptoms. Although I am a mental health counselor, this list is not for diagnosis purposes. You can identify some of the symptoms so if you have someone in your life with these symptoms, you can understand the frustration you may feel and also find some helpful communication solutions for yourself.

Inattentive ADD Symptoms

• Careless mistakes/lack of attention to details
• Lack of sustained attention
• Poor listener
• Failure to follow through on tasks
• Poor organization
• Forgetful in daily activities
• Avoiding tasks requiring sustained mental effort
• Losing things
• Easily distracted

Depending upon how close you are to this person, you may want to research more about ADD and continue to learn. Here are some simple ideas that may help.

• Use emails as your primary form of communication to set up meetings. This way you can scan the email quickly for the details about the meeting.
• Start your conversation with, “I have one minute to plan this meeting.”
• When the person becomes tangential, politely bring them back to topic. “Oh, I’m sorry, I have to go, when did you say you could meet?”
• Give the person 3 clear choices of times.
• Be willing to set a boundary.
• If the person won’t be decisive, realize the meeting may not happen and move on.
• Plan your communication with the person when you have enough time to go through the process to get the meeting planned.
• Have a plan B for your time so if their disorganization creates a last minute cancelation, it won’t disrupt your life.

These are some ideas that may be helpful. Again, if this is someone you live with or a supervisor, I encourage you to find more information on this topic. One book you may be interested in

 What Does Everybody Else Know That I Don't?: Social Skills Help for...  by Michele Novotni, PhD

Another resources is ADHD.org

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