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Comment by Candess M. Campbell, PhD on April 13, 2012 at 10:46am

I am trying to send a brochure I created in Publisher to a promoter in India but the file is too large for email. Any ideas how to send the file?

Comment by Michael Lovas on April 12, 2012 at 8:21pm

I've been writing columns, mainly for financial publications, since 1986.  For the past several years, I've offered a Reward to people who read my articles.  The Reward that tags onto this article is a Report on understanding "Decision Makers."  Those are business owners and corporate execs - the people to drive most businesses.  Here is the offer - BTW, there are no strings attached:

Your Reward.  Perhaps the most important people you’ll ever have to develop a relationship with in business are the people who run businesses.  We call them the “Decision Makers.”  They are a breed apart and require specific understanding and responses from you.  If you appreciate the type of information contained in this article and want to apply it to working with business owners, corporate executives and high net worth people – I’ve got a treat for you.  Just send me an email with your contact information and I will send you our report, “Inside the Mind of Decision Makers.”  Our gift to you.

Mike Lovas

Comment by Michael Lovas on April 12, 2012 at 5:20pm

Here's the third:

The easiest way to build trust is through the smile.  However, you need to learn the difference between a fake smile and a sincerely one.  Several research projects conducted in the 1990s conclude that it is possible to determine the difference between an honest smile and a dishonest one. 

First suggestion, an honest smile is symmetrical but a dishonest smile is asymmetrical.  Of course if one of you has Bell’s Palsy, that advice is moot. 

Second suggestion, honest smiles involve the contraction of the muscles around the eyes, though dishonest smiles involve only around the mouth.  This describes the big fake smile.

In Conclusion.  When you consider the synchronization of movement explained at the top of this article, and you add a sincere and honest smile, you get a slowly evolving, synchronized dance that involves the face.  Your body would move and match the other person’s body in fractions of movement.  Just enough to indicate that you’re not rejecting.  Your face would start neutral and slowly begin to smile.  A slowly developing smile is perceived as much more positive than one that is abrupt. 

In other words, rapport is a step in the process of gaining agreement.  Rapport and agreement are steps in the process of building trust.  If the relationship is important to you, simply engage in the dance.

Comment by Michael Lovas on April 12, 2012 at 5:19pm

Here's the second:

Bad Advice #1  Traditional advice on building rapport and agreement tells you to match body movement and gestures.  While basically correct, that advice is very narrow and short-sighted.  Most people attempt to apply this advice over only a few minutes.  That’s not long enough.  Think in terms of a one-hour meeting.  The closer you two dance through every minute determines the outcome.

In the 1990s psychology researchers got excited about the concept of “movement synchronization.” They discovered that during a conversation, the head, shoulders, arms, hands, trunk and legs carried the agreement messages through their movements. 

How to Use This Information.  The advice we give our coaching clients is first to determine how important the relationship is with the other person.  If it is important to you, then simply match the other person’s body movements over the length of the conversation.  Harvard Business Review says to go hard on the issues and soft on the relationship.  Again, if the relationship is important, match the other person as this will build agreement and maintain the relationship.  If you do the opposite, go hard on the relationship, you’ll likely sacrifice that relationship.  Not good.

Bad Advice #2.  Americans have a tendency to open a conversation with a big goofy smile.  Our cultural thinking is that such a smile will be interpreted as highly positive, showing us a likeable and trustworthy.  But our culture is wrong.  Such a smile make us look fake and unaware;  who could like or trust someone who wears a big fake smile? 

The important questions you should be asking of yourself and your strategic alliances are these:

1. How can you tell if the other person can be trusted?
2. How can the other person tell if YOU can be trusted?
3. Are there specific cues that indicate trustworthiness?

 

Comment by Michael Lovas on April 12, 2012 at 5:18pm

Ed and Jacob -

Hey, that was fast.  Tell you what.  Since I could not figure out how to attach a file here, I'll paste the article into a few separate posts. Here's the first:

How to Read Body Language

Part 2

Rapport and Agreement

Michael Lovas, C.Ht.

Rapport and agreement are drastically misunderstood in the financial services industry.  The advice typically given is often inaccurate and therefore represents a risk to your success.  Rapport and agreement are the result of your ability to observe closely and read people accurately.  This article will correct some misunderstandings and give you some accurate, relevant advice.

Picture this.  You go into a negotiation with another person.  It could be a business situation or even a personal one.  The conversation is based on an extended series of offers and counteroffers, and finally an agreement is reached. 

In real life, you’ve seen this same dance thousands of times:

1. Teacher and student talking about a grade.
2. Husband and wife arguing over finances.
3. Parent and child coming to terms with bad behavior.
4. Job interviews
5. Performance reviews
6. Sales conversations
7. Annual portfolio review

 

They are all the Same!  The content and situations are unimportant because they are essentially the same.  We’re looking at the entirety of the bodily movements.  The nonverbal communication dance.  When you lean forward and the other person leans back, the rapport is broken and the agreement is distant.  When the other person nods and you nod, too, the agreement is closer.  When you laugh or smile with the other person, rapport and agreement are close.  And on and on, until the two of you are dancing together with your movements synchronized.  It’s the synchronization that signals true rapport and agreement.

Comment by Jacob Andersen on April 12, 2012 at 4:29pm

Michael, I too would love to get a copy.  Email to jacob@guerillapole.com

Thanks for the offer, Jacob

Comment by Ed Davis, PLS on April 12, 2012 at 4:20pm

@Michael Lovas, I would love a copy of your "Body Language" a very poorly utilized but invaluable form of communication and source of information.  Thanks, Ed

Comment by Michael Lovas on April 12, 2012 at 12:37pm

Reading Body Language.

I write a column for a financial portal.  The newest article deals with reading body language to build rapport and agreement.  If you'd like a copy, just let me know.

- Mike Lovas

Comment by LaunchPad INW on April 10, 2012 at 3:52pm

Don't Forget!  Start-Up Spokane Pitch Night is tomorrow, WEDS April 11th at Jimmy'z/Red Room Lounge - 5:30 - 7p.m. FREE
RSVP: https://www.facebook.com/events/200374913410600/

Comment by Timothy Eitreim on April 2, 2012 at 8:02pm

Mike -

Attend a Dale Carnegie seminar, I bet Jill will teach you. Hee hee!

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